The fear of Birth IS the fear of Death

I'm gonna ask a really obvious question....have you ever noticed how afraid people are of birth? Women are afraid. Doctors are afraid. Hospital policy makers are afraid. Medical organizations are afraid. I would bet that almost every one you encounter in the birth space is afraid....except those who have done the deep soul work of accepting life and death as NORMAL parts of our humanity.

I would also bet that some of the people who have done that work are midwives. I just have a hunch.

You see, birth and death are the same gate. Do you know what I mean by that? The soul has to make its journey down through the mother's body, into the body of the baby. And any time we talk about the soul, we are talking about spiritual ideas that include before life and after life. "The Gate" is a metaphor for the place a soul has to pass through - your grandmother passes away, the baby passes through the mother's body.

This gate intricately connects birth and death.

Even though they may seem opposite, birth and death are a part of the consummate circle of life. Birth. Life. Death. Birth. Death has been a part of my reality since I was a child. I have experienced intimate losses, and these moments have forced me to reflect deeply on the nature of life itself. I've reflected deeply on death. I see clearly that the fear of birth IS the fear of death.

From Arches National Park in Moab, UT, death is apparent in the desert. The cycle of birth-life-death is plain to see. In death, life thrives. It is a paradox we often forget. Organisms converge on a carcass and fill it with life. This process may seem unsettling, but it is an undeniable truth; death gives way to life.

The fear of death is one of the biggest reasons to control for outcomes. Control being the operative word here. Inducing at 39 weeks was a "control for outcome" meant to prevent the loss of life, but it has really just added to the ever increasing c/section rate. Routine 39 week induction hasn't brought added value to the birth word, it has only created more harm. But you cant separate the fear of the death from the suggestion of a 39 week induction in the first place. You see what I'm saying?

Likewise, as a care provider, when you say you are afraid of a life threatening complication, what are you really saying? You're afraid of the baby not breathing, but why? Do you accept that death is a normal part of life? Why? These are important questions to contemplate. Because if you routinely come back to the fear of death - for whatever reason - you will ALWAYS be afraid of birth.

In Texas, the reality of this connection takes on an even more poignant significance when we consider the current maternal mortality statistics. Texas has some of the highest maternal mortality rates in the United States. According to the latest data, nearly 1 in 3 pregnancy-related deaths in Texas occur during or after childbirth. The overwhelming majority of these deaths are preventable, underscoring the crucial need for access to better healthcare, support systems, and education surrounding the processes of birth and death.

This statistic is not just a number. It represents actual lives lost during what should be a natural, life-affirming experience. Each woman is someone's mother, someone's daughter, someone's sister, someone's niece, and someone's partner. It speaks to the urgent need to address the healthcare disparities that affect Black women, Indigenous women, and women of color, who are disproportionately impacted by maternal mortality in this state.

There is a very intense irony going on here tho. As SB8, the fetal heartbeat bill from 2022, continues to affect every aspect of our reproductive care and experience, I can't help but notice that in "protecting the life of the unborn" we are sacrificing the life of the mother. Maternal mortality has risen 63% from 2018-2020 and 56% from 2020-2022. Women are dying at the expense of an ideology that is questionable at best.*

Do you see the irony here? We're afraid of death in childbirth, yet we have created a law that GUARANTEES a rise in death rates without consequence.

These are powerful thoughts to contemplate. It is a reminder that each of us has an opportunity to work through our anticipations, fears and understanding of our own mortality and the mortality of those around us. By recognizing the inter-connectedness of birth and death, we come to fully accept the transient nature of life itself along with the consequences of our societal choices. 🌹

With love, ❤️

*You can't tell me that sacrificing the mom for the baby is pro-life. Plus no one and I mean NO ONE knows when life begins. Every thought you have about it is just a guess.